Saya benci musim hujan
Saya suka musim hujan
Saya benci perasaan yang selalu menggelung di hati ketika hujan
Saya suka bebauan alam yang keluar ketika hujan mengguyur tanah ini
Saya benci keadaan badan ini yang membuat saya tidak bisa pergi dari dunia mimpi
Saya suka keadaan ketika hujan yang sangat mendukung untuk menyinggahi dunia mimpi
Saya benci keadaan emosi saya yang mayoritas pasti terpengaruh ketika hujan
Saya suka keadaan fisik orang-orang yang akan mulai merapat dan bergelung ketika hujan
Saya benci banyaknya noda percikan air jalanan pada baju dan meyebabkan kesan kotor
Saya suka banyaknya genangan air di tanah
Saya benci musim hujan yang menyebabkan semua orang diam dirumah dan berkumpul bersama
Saya suka musim hujan yang menyebabkan hangatnya suasana rumah
Saya benci

Saya

Saya ingin bisa seperti manusia-manusia diluar sana yang bisa mengungkapkan perasaan dan pemikiran mereka di media apapun. melalui suara, tulisan, gambar, dan apapun itu. itu adalah mimpi saya sedari kecil, untuk bisa mengungkapkan suara-suara yang ada di otak dan hati saya secara gamblang dan semua orang pun mengerti akan maksud saya.

Delapan puluh persen dari semua masalah yang saya dapatkan dikarenakan kesulitan berkomunikasi. Kesulitan akan pemilihan kata dan perangkaian kata yang menyebabkan lawan bicara saya merasa bingung, sakit hati, merasa tidak dihargai, dan lainnya. Berkali-kali saya bertengkar dengan orang tua saya, khususnya ibu saya, dikarenakan perangkaian kata saya yang buruk. Itu menyakitkan bagi saya. Dikala saya berusaha keras bagaimana penyampaian yang baik untuk orang lain agar mudah untuk dicerna tetapi lawan bicara mengangap bahwa saya diam tidak ingin bicara. Apakah saya harus memberitahu mereka semua yang saya lakukan? Tentu tidak. Apabila saya melakukan hal itu saya akan seperti orang bodoh.

Saya lebih memilih untuk diam apabila saya tidak bisa mengungkapkan apa yang ada di hati saya. Saya ingin mereka tahu tetapi saya tidak bisa mengeluarkannya. Saya pernah mengeluarkan isi hati saya dengan menyuarakannya dengan cara saya sendiri, dan hasil akhirnya adalah saya ditampar, ditendang, dipukul. Mungkin mereka tidak akan ingat pernah melakukan hal itu kepada saya dan akan menyanggahnya. Saya pun tidak perduli sebenarnya karena itu adalah hal yang lalu. Saya tidak perduli akan siapa yang memukul saya, yang saya pedulikan adalah mengapa saya dipukul?

Dulu saya adalah orang yang bisa menyuarakan apa yang ada di otak dan hati saya dan ketika menerima perlakuan fisik yang menyakiti saya saya tidak pernah perduli, beberapa tahun yang lalu, ketika saya tidak pernah memikirkan apapun kecuali hidup ibu saya, hidup saya sendiri pun saya tidak perduli. tetapi ketika umur bertambah dan mau tak mau saya harus mulai memikirkan sekitar saya untuk diri saya sendiri, saya baru menyadari saya tidak bisa berlaku seperti itu lagi dan harus mulai memikirkan segala konsekuensinya.

Saya ingin berteriak! Dimana? Dikamar? Bila saya melakukan hal ini keluarga saya akan langsung menggebrak pintu kamar saya dan menemukan saya sedang menangis mengetik post ini. Sedari dulu saya tak pernah perduli akan kesehatan fisik saya, sejujurnya saya suka rasa sakit. Karena ketika rasa sakit itu terasa semua pemikiran dan perasaan ini akan sedikit terlupakan.

Saya frustasi akan diri saya sendiri. Saya kesal. Saya marah. Saya ingin menyakiti diri saya sendiri. Menghukum diri saya sendiri.

Camden

"11/1/11

When the light go down
And the alcohol kicks
We laugh like there's no tommorow
Drank like it was our last time
Smoke like it was our oxygen
And we headbang like crazy
This is us!!!!

Feel free like we want it
Spend the night crazy/like it was ours
Speedin like we want it
And here we are screamin our lungs out
We are bremen

Clothes riped out
Playin guitar like van halen
Kicked drum bass
Singing whatever hell we wants

We are bremen
This is our last
U missed us
But will we miss u?
We are bremen

Booze smoke laugh
This is our life
We are young, we are fresh, we are bremen

This is our place, this is our world
We are bremen"

1:25pm

Got nothing to do, absolutely nothing. Have to stay on campus untill 3pm and now I'm completely feel bored.
Gaaaah...!!!!! What to do? What to do?
I want to go home but now its my turn to stay at the stand and sell these snacks. OMFG! Its really boring in here.
This place where we called Student Center sure have a lot of people these day (and I mean it in sarcastic way). Gosh...... *sigh*

Thank You

I may start to treat this blog as my twitter now
'Cuz now I think I can't tweet carelessly like before and so many people whom I need to be careful of are following my twitter
Oh what should I do? I know this one is blog not some for some unimportant nagging, but really I need something, somewhere where I can write or tell someone or somethig these feelings inside me
I can't do it in twitter because of the reason that I already told, I can't do it in books and notes on my computer wheter my phone because I know for sure my friends or family will be reading them (I know some of them having fun messing with my room and phone lol)
All I have is oly this site, this cyberworld. Where I know I may be recognize or maybe not (although I'm 99.99% nobody will expect me to be here writing this), where I know not a lot of people takes interest in me. And I kindly apreciate that, truly. Whoever read this have no idea how much it means to me to be able to write somethin and not be acused of something later.
Yes, I admit sometimes I wanted to have some reader for this blog. But at a times like this I am very pleased to know that I don't have any reader here.
So, THANK YOU!!!
And I sincerely said that, please don't take it in a wrong way. I'm not being sarcastic nor pity myself. Its a big no for me!

BORED

verveeld i mërzitur ضجر ձանձրանալ cansıxıcı нудны отегчен avorrit 无聊 無聊 dosadno znuděný kede igav nainis kyllästynyt ennuyé aburrido შეწუხებული gelangweilt βαρεθεί anwiye משועמם ऊब unott leiðist bosan leamh annoiato 退屈 지루한 addenda garlaicīgi nuobodu досадно kjeder seg بی حوصله znudzony entediado plictisit скучающий dolgčas aburrido kuchoka uttråkad เบื่อ bıkkın нудьгуючий ؤب chán diflasu באָרד

...well, this is me. This is my life...

p.s. yeah yeah yeah, I admit I used Google Translate to write all of this same meaning, different words....

Friday the 31th

You have to admit, it SUCKS when you have a psychologist as your sister

...well, this is me. This is my life...

Liar

And now I am officially a liar
I felt it completely on my own body now

It's running in my blood, down on my bones, destroying my brain

What can I do about it?

How can I change myself?

...well, this is me. This is my life...

bingung...

gua ini anak radio, dulu enam bulan yang lalu gua selalu nongkrong di radio kampus gua karena gua nyaman disana, banget malah. tapi sekarang semua berubah karena gua sekarang lebih nyaman gabung sama anak-anak fakultas gua sendiri dan temen-temen maen gua yang praktisnya sih ketemu tiap hari. demi Tuhan sekarang gua bingung tentang ini. mungkin buat beberapa orang masalah ini simpel banget. tapi buat gua ini engga sama sekali. gua udah nganggep radio tuh keluarga gua dan rumah keluarga gua, tapi sekarang gua malah males buat kembali ke radio. kenapa? bingung gua. padahal gua udah yakin sama loyalitas gua selama ini buat mereka. tapi kenapa gua malah menghindar dari mereka? kenapa? apa ini tuh nunjukin loyalitas gua yang mudah berubah? berarti gua gagal dong selama ini....

perasaan gua ini susah banget buat dideskripsiin. demi Tuhan gua ga bisa ngomong ataupun nulisinnya, tapi gua harus ngeluarin sesuatu yang ada di hati gua ini. semoga dengan nulis hal ini sesuatu di hati gua ini bisa keangkat, walaupun dikit tapi bersyukurlah gua.

...well, this is me. This is my life...

Remembering Her

December 3, 2010 I lost one of my best friends, Sarah Gradisya Nova, and January 12, 2011, yesterday, was the 40th day since her departure. and almost all the people in this nation know it is in our culture on the 40th days is the last day where the spirits, soul, or whatever-that-is 'live' in this world, and they said after the 40th days she will completely gone from this world, believe it or not.

Life & Melody (Hidup & Melodi) is the only song Sasa, our nickname for Sarah, that I have in my cellphone. It is one of the really strong memories of her. Usually anyone else have photos to remember them dear, and now I am really grateful that Sasa is a singer, which means my memory about her not only the photos because I still had her voice to listen to.

but what about anyone else? what about my mom? what about my sister? what about my brother? Dad? Cousins? Nephews? Friends? even my own self? Do we have something to get remembered other than photos? then when my mom's gone which song will make me remember her? remember her voice? when my bro passed away what song that will make me remember him, his guitar playin? luckyly my older sister is a singer as well, and I have a LOT of her songs. but when I'm gone what will I'd be remembered of? what song? what movies? what act?

oh all this thinking are so irritating. it can make me simply go mad.
is it really necessary though to think about this kind of thing?

...well, this is me. This is my life...

I'll Go Gay For....

GIRLS GENERATION/SO NYUH SHI DAE/SHOUJO JIDAI/SNSD

or

1. Choi Sooyoung
2. Jessica Jung
3. Kim Hyoyeon
4. Stephanie Hwang
5. Kim Taeyeon
6. Lee Sunny
7. Seo JuHyun
8. Kwon Yuri
9. Im Yoona

okay, they ARE Girls Generation.. SNSD FTW!!!

gaaaahhh!!!! why they have to be so beautiful? *cryinblood*

...well, this is me. This is my life...

Vampire + Werewolf = WeIre / VampWolf

well, Twilight's fame is crazy right now and I guess (almost) everybody feel the fandom is growing and growing and growing and go on.... but nights after reading the Breaking Dawn, I thought of something based on these facts :

1. vampire can have children
2. vampire and werewolf become friends with each other, and they even fell in love with one another

so what I mean is can vampire and werewolf have kids TOGETHER? well if you ask me, they possibly can, right? but these circumstance only possible IF the girl is the vampire and the boy is the werewolf.

and if they really had one can you guys think what power the kid have? he/she has a heartbeat, a porcelain-like skin , 'tinkle-winkle' skin as well (like her 'ma) but with the ability of healing power, excessive strength and speed (well just imagine vampire's plus werewolf's, you've got to be kidding me *facepalm*), and many other powers that the parents will inherit to the kid, and maybe, just maybe, he/she can turned into a wolf too whenever he/she wanted.

WOW! what a 'wonderful' creature the kid is! the kid will ABSOLUTELY can't die with all the power he/she inherited from the parents

and believe it or not, the thought of this kid is slightly creeping me out. but if that's the case, well just let them have kids all they want, as long as they don't disturb me, human. LOL!

p.s. but hey, all these creatures can choose their sex-orientation right? so, have you guys ever thought what will happen if Edward and Jacob are actually gay and they fell for each other???

okay,,, I will STOP THIS NONSENSE right now! ugghhh, what a fcukde up mind

...well, this is me. This is my life...

about me

well first,

I'm sorry if my English bad...

because you know English is my second language and I think my grammar sucks

and I really appreciate if someone, or you guys, could help me to improve

that's a big THANK YOU for you

THANK YOU!!!

...well, this is me. This is my life...

waaawaaawaa

....atulah geje atulah!!! jam segini dah ngantuk tapi gak bisa tidur besok ulangan pula. mantap.....

dang!!!

please everyone who have 'secret recipe' which can bring people immediately asleep, share with me...

I need those...

huuu huuu huuu....

...well, this is me. This is my life...

LOVE

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana seperti isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan kayu kepada api yang telah menjadikannya abu

translate:

I want to love you in such a simple way like the signal the wood sent that couldn't reach the fire which has made the ashes

got this from my absolutely respected teacher, Pa Santo.

I love the way this sentence drill my brain and lay in there. And I'm sure I'll never forget it.

and its my first post since, like, LONG TIME.....

and I'm happy to be home again

...well, this is me. This is my life...

My Confession

I like the way he put his 'idiot' face

I like the way he talks

I like the way he calls my name

I like the way he turns when I call him

I like the way he say 'Waah...'

I like the way he thinks different with others 

I like the way he put some efforts to end his problem and its ended with the problem always unsolved

I like the way he look into others eyes when they talks

I like the way he smiles

I like the way he laughs

I like the way he sleeps

I like the way he stare at me when I scolded him

and, I like the way he always aim for my anger to come to the surface

I like everything about him

But how do I love him?

...well, this is me. This is my life...

Well....

Well,,
I still don't know what to write in this second post. Help me.... Anyone... I'm really curious to my own self. At first I create this blog to write anything I want to write, but now, after I create it I didnt know what to write in my blog. Weird, huh?

By the way, while I'm write this my stupid fat cat is drinking from my cup. I just fill it with water and then drink it and then put it on the table and, fyuu, my cat drink it. I just left it to walk, and if you wanna know its just 5 step away from the cup. How unbelievable. I mean, she has her own cup. And its more expensive than mine. But still she loves to drink from our cup (our = me, my mum, my sister, and my bro). Now I have to go back to the kitchen and bring the new one to drink. Gosh! Sometimes I hate her very much....

...well, this is me. This is my life...

My First..........

Yaaayy, my first post! Happy but nothing to write for now....
Bwehehehehe!!! Bubye....!!!